Its not very easy talking about mental health, its one of the reasons why I have suffered on and off. I guess whenever I am okay, I try to forget about it and think it will not happen again.
It took me a while to notice that it happened every 3-4 years, At the time I thought it was a terrible job, a failing relationship and that is why I was down.
However since the kids have come along its important I look after myself for their sakes so I have been working with professionals to figure things out. After having more downs and I guess more experience. I started to see a cycle. Maybe I wasnt depressed just because the job was rubbish, I disliked the job as I was already down and not putting 100% in. Maybe the relationship was failing as I had just become depressed and withdrawn. I would forget the down bits and move on.
I had seeked help here and there over the years, but never continued with the help after my mood had lifted. I also generally got terrible help, the doctors just passed me pills and or offered to sign me off work. I also tended to move doctors a lot, so my notes got lost, which prevented them from seeing any pattern.
So finally I have got help. My psychiatrist also had a bunch of notes from over a decade ago. I had forgotten I had been to them. Did I mention I get holes in my memory (that bits important).
Now the psychiatrist fella is about ready to diagnose me, He can see many examples of me being down. However I haven't got many examples of me being up or manic. It might be that, I don't do them. Or it might be that I have gaps in my memory. So in other words, I have ticked all the boxes for type 2 bipolar, but he wants some more information to rule out type 1.
So when I find it very hard to talk about mental health to people I am close to, it is going to be even harder talk about this, especially as some of the people who would most likely know are in the past. Its going to be a tricky things to do, but I have to get on with it for the sake of the kids and also myself.
I'm not really after that much advice or people to actually read this as I know LJ isnt used that much these days, Its a step for me to admit it before I start talking to people.